Tuesday, February 17, 2009

My Every Breath

Hinihingal ka lang

May oras pang natitira

Kahit parang ang layo paHabol

Kung harangan ka man

Sumalakay man mga bantay

Lahat kami MaghihintayHabol, habol!

Refrain:Dehado kung dehado

Para sa'n pang mga galos mo

Kung titiklop ka lang

Titiklop ka lang

Matalo kung matalo

Huwag ka sanang magkakamaling

Sumuko na langWoah

Maagawan ka man

Lalung huwag kang papipiga

Kumpiyansa lang bawat bangga

Kumaripas ka na

Humanda ka na sa paglipad

Pakpak nati'y ilalantadWoahR

Ang pusoIaalaySa laban

Kapalit ay tagumpay

Ang pusoIaalaySa laban

Kapalit ay tagumpay

Blah,blah,blah, yeah whatever.....Now that's a song typical of my current outlook on life, isn't it? That fight to the death, perfect finish, never quitting until the bloody end sort of thing. Hoo boy! Indeed, that's the stuff of my literature and philosophy. I breathe it, speak it, live it, excrete it. But inside me, is that really the case? Is it really in congruence with the angles of outside reality or merely confined within the walls of my forced folly?

Harharhar....So, what now? I'm bored, angry and frustrated. Not much action going on here. I can't calm down, neither can I exert myself that much. I suffered a seizure last week. I spent a day in hell while others were busy tending to the apples of their eyes.

So, I'll just rant as much as I can for now. I spit out my every breath in this blog............Whatever comes to mind...

We can never really force the people we love to love us back, right? The girl who lived forever told me that we can only thank God when love is mutual. Lost my touch? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe cursed? hell, i'm the one cursing people here! All year long, I've been standing tall, walking proud, preaching and living the philosophy of redemption. The philosophy of never giving up until completely defeated or until dead-whichever comes first. But at many times, these convictions have nearly been the death of me. How did this start, anyway? With a burst of exagerrated drama, right? And that's where pride set in. It wasn't really about proving myself or about how much I wanted to change. It was all about injury to ego. Pride. That it felt so bad that I just had to instigate a revolution within myself to make amends. So I knocked, am knocking, and will knock myself to create a faux self-imposed victory to cover up a more realistic defeat.
Love..whatta word...At times I wish I could be so romantic, at times I wish I could say no, at times I philosophize that no one deserves the best but ME. After all, ain't I a higher one than them all?

Love is like an application letter that has already failed at the envelope stage and got crumpled by the employer even before the contents could be read.

None of you can really comprehend what's inside me.

And in the end,it's always not about YOU it's always about THEM.
Which is the way it should be........................till kingdom come.


But I never said I liked it.

You can never be too careful, you know. Your level of protection is as only as good as her alluring face and smile which you can't help but get addicted to. Ah, typical. Why can't we all stop being typical for once? Even me in my insanity am typical.

But I love you Irish...:) I'll still fight that suicidal fight, I'll still die that Perfect Death, I will still gather every remnant of fight in me and go to war, because that is who I am. And no one but me forces me to knock myself out for anyone.

Don't you hate feeling like a baby when you're hospitalized and both your parents are beside you in your hospital bed, making you revert back to the child you once were? The childhood that was too swift to not enjoy yet too dragging for comfort. And amidst a moment of pain, you remember who you are, where you are and how old you are. That this shouldn't be, that YOU'RE the one supposed to take care of them now. That in about two decades they will return to the dust from which they came from, finishing their allotted earthly existence. This thought then jolts you, and you struggle up but you are restrained by your doctor who says it's bad. Sudden head movements can make you suffer another seizure....Ah, the fragility of human life.

Speaking of seizures, it seems like I gotta stop right now....Too much bright lights from the computer still ain't good for me. Also, this frequent typing is already over exertion.

I hate to say goodbye,but I gotta....


May all of you live forever.

I meant that as a curse.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Retrospects and Nothigness

Yellpw on Black! It's an effective output method I learned from onw pf my teachers, "EWT", also known as the Pigeon King..Hehe...

I've no plan for this particular post..I'll just type whatever comes to mind...

Wait a minute...


Subo kabuhi kun wala laptop?

Indi man gid ah,may PC man ko...

Subo kabuhi kun wala salakyan?

Para sa akon,huo...Indi ko mayo ka lagaw2x on my own sa layo nga luger nga wala ga sakay sa jeep....Dasun kun me date, saw kahuluya man kun indi mu xa pag dul-ong sila balay...(maski pwede man na nga ma taxi kami)

Subo kabuhi kun wala barkada?

Maski kaya ku mag push through sa college nga wala may gina upod, subo2 na ya..Ma buang ka na ya nga wala updon sa kun anu man da ang hilikutun mu...

Subo kabuhi kun wala cellphone?

Indi SUBO, pero BUDLAY. Kun si Harvey Golez pa mag hambal, "Ang cellphone nag evolve na into a NECCESSITY.

Subo kabuhi kun wala ipod, mp4, etc?

Pwede ka lang gid ka pamati radyo. May mabatian kapa da nga talawaan nga pamangkot parehas sang "Nakita nang iyong gf na single ang status mo sa Friedster. ANONG GAGAWIN MO?"

Subo kabuhi kun wala nobya?

Contrary to popular belief, para sa akon, indi. Sunlog2x lang na sang iban. Pati ka na sa ila. Kun single man sila kag ikaw ang ga sunlog, lantawun ta kun indi man sila mag lala-in. Pero kun naka nobya ka na after dugay2x na nagtiempo, anu ayhan ang kalipay mo. Ma hibi ka guro. Delaying gratification kun baga. Dason isipon mu man. Kun wala ka da may gina lambing 2x sa U-Cafe or sa SD online, namin sina pigaw ka? INDI!! Kun genius ka,genius ka gid ya. Kun maro ka, maro ka gid ya. Kun gwapo ka, gwapo ka gid ya, indi lang para sa ila ya eh... Isipun mu man kun kaya sang wallet mu mag miga. Ang tiempo mu pa gid-masyado ka constrained. Mu na nag dapat ka maka kita tawu nga worth it gid nga i give-up mu ang tanan nga freedom kag datung para sa iya. Kundi nami, no?

Subo kabuhi kun wala Diyos?

SIYEMPRE gid eh. Empty ang kabuhi nga wala Diyos.

Tama na na guro ah...Damu gid ko himuon sa sem break. Nag ininto pa ang PC ko, na infect sang Hiligaynon virus...Tapuson ko pa ang TSC kag si Charnaiz mabalik pa daan kay mahimu ko comics niya liwat...

Ti sige ah....Babay!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Mad Stereotyper

Let it be known that I am a mad stereotyper. These are some of the things I would subconsciously prefer when making decisions...Mostly, stereotypes are just about feelings.Well, let's put it to the test.

Stereotype home: The kind of place which gives a cozy feel..SPACIOUS...Adorned with a contemporary theme...A house that can project a blessed and prayerful environment.

Stereotype car: A simple ISUZU Crosswind. Or something better but structured like it.

Stereotype shirts: Red, white or black shirts with abstract or intricate designs. Or those with catchy, whimsical or downright humorous quotes.

Stereotype stereotype: The stereotype that displays my uniqueness to the maximum level, but falls way short of discrimination.

Stereotype friends: HELL NO! Invalid category!!I'm civil to everyone, friendly to almost everyone, hostile to those who start it first.

Stereotype weather: The kind of sun that makes your mind feel like a well-oiled engine just raring to go....

Stereotype music: Combined melodies and lyrics whose feel and message I totally agree with.

Stereotype job: A position of power wherein I can feel the worth of all the hipponess in high school and college. I don't want to be a shrew, however. I want a job wherein I can spread the love around(I can't believe I just said that)

Stereotype gadgets: The best or close to the best.


Stereotype girl(physical): Priti...LONG HAIR--I have an unkillable thing for that...A half-head shorter than me....Hygienous(is there a word?)...Very huggable...moist doe-eyed eyes...Dresses from her SOUL.

Stereotype girl(..........):Intelligent enough to know what "juxtaposition" and "concatenate" mean--KIDDING! Just intelligent enough to know how to pronounce "ambiguity" and knows just the estimated number of the world's population to the nearest billion. Excellent music taste. Versatile outlook on life. The girl who can know how much I f**kin" love her and who will love me for that. The one who can see the hurt in my eyes no more than I can see the hurt in hers. Oh, and the girl wo knows how to make pizza..If not, well, that's OKAY.

That's just about it.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

How,Why,What Next

My first blog!Well,what would be an appropriate topic to start things right?Well........Of the many topics that run through my beautiful brain everyday, I'll pick the one that I'm always so vocal about in school and which I'm so OC about....The TSC! (No, not that literature series I'm writing which also has the same name..TSC refers to the new idealogy I have these days whose origin I will try to speculate in this blog)

So, how did I come up with my seemingly inexhaustible supply of pure quality willpower and my new notion of thinking that has changed so much more than I ever expected?

2nd year was a painful year for me. The Hellhounds suffered a tragic schism early on as someone whom I thought would stick all the crap out with us till the glorious end left the group...And so, did I put the thoughts of her aside and strive to be a better person?HELL NO!! I deteriorated inwardly as faster than you can say "Hounds Of Hell..." i was a certifed LOSER--and not even the humorous witticism of Sunny Tan, the success of the Nanawatai play or my debauched birthday bash could make me forget that thought..I always knew back then I was being a LOSER, but then didn't have any MOTIVATION to do anything about it...

When I think about it now, I can't believe how "colorful" the last year has been. I got a severe case of the hickies, I cut myself like a certified emo, played hookey extensively for even minor subjects such as RS and Filipino. What else?Oh yeah! I freakin' FAILED calculus!!!It's a wonder I didn't go along with my other classmates who fell victim to the Shifting Crisis during the sem break...

And now to the second semester..Fresh new start, right?New section to be with right? Big opportunity to get to know the girl who makes my cardiovascular system awry better,right? Here it goes again:HELL NO!!! Academically, well I did good---only in Calculus that is. For the rest of my glorious subjects, I was as serious about them as a hippo agreeing to go on a date with an anaconda. I simply couldn't care less...

Here is the part were it starts to sound emo, but this is just to communicate the facts as clearly as possible. I felt back then that I wasn't as significant to others as I had been in the past....I felt that I had wasted an awfully large amount of time, that I had wasted all my opportunities to prove myself to her(which is true), I felt that I wasn't exercising my intellectual prowess to the maximum(Hell, i'm not even sure if I used it at all)...I knew that I was in the nadir of my college life, and it was all caused by me...And not even Hahmoudi's song at Jomabo, the wild night of Monika's debut or the FARM sessions could make me forget that...

Finally, i had to fall. It just had to happen. A pretty bad fall, at that. And it happened at the end ofthe long and disappointing year---during the PE camp....Well, this girl gave me a message--through our mutual friends--that she doesn't want anything to have to do with me...So there...Yup, it hurt like hell(ego and stubborn pride can only take so much), but it wasn't the same old hurt....It was something different....And at that moment all the crap I had done throughout the year reverbated through my brain like a typhoon...It was a sick feeling---sort of like the feeling you get when---Hell,even now I can't describe it properly....
And so, unknown to me at that time...The TSC had started...But more will be revealed in the second part of this rant, synopsis, soliloquy or whatever you may call it...Sorry guys, it's a really busy week...
But be sure to catch the continuation of this blog...I haven't even got to the kernel of my story yet...
Goodbye-or as good as it gets...
(posting process initiated)