Tuesday, February 17, 2009

My Every Breath

Hinihingal ka lang

May oras pang natitira

Kahit parang ang layo paHabol

Kung harangan ka man

Sumalakay man mga bantay

Lahat kami MaghihintayHabol, habol!

Refrain:Dehado kung dehado

Para sa'n pang mga galos mo

Kung titiklop ka lang

Titiklop ka lang

Matalo kung matalo

Huwag ka sanang magkakamaling

Sumuko na langWoah

Maagawan ka man

Lalung huwag kang papipiga

Kumpiyansa lang bawat bangga

Kumaripas ka na

Humanda ka na sa paglipad

Pakpak nati'y ilalantadWoahR

Ang pusoIaalaySa laban

Kapalit ay tagumpay

Ang pusoIaalaySa laban

Kapalit ay tagumpay

Blah,blah,blah, yeah whatever.....Now that's a song typical of my current outlook on life, isn't it? That fight to the death, perfect finish, never quitting until the bloody end sort of thing. Hoo boy! Indeed, that's the stuff of my literature and philosophy. I breathe it, speak it, live it, excrete it. But inside me, is that really the case? Is it really in congruence with the angles of outside reality or merely confined within the walls of my forced folly?

Harharhar....So, what now? I'm bored, angry and frustrated. Not much action going on here. I can't calm down, neither can I exert myself that much. I suffered a seizure last week. I spent a day in hell while others were busy tending to the apples of their eyes.

So, I'll just rant as much as I can for now. I spit out my every breath in this blog............Whatever comes to mind...

We can never really force the people we love to love us back, right? The girl who lived forever told me that we can only thank God when love is mutual. Lost my touch? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe cursed? hell, i'm the one cursing people here! All year long, I've been standing tall, walking proud, preaching and living the philosophy of redemption. The philosophy of never giving up until completely defeated or until dead-whichever comes first. But at many times, these convictions have nearly been the death of me. How did this start, anyway? With a burst of exagerrated drama, right? And that's where pride set in. It wasn't really about proving myself or about how much I wanted to change. It was all about injury to ego. Pride. That it felt so bad that I just had to instigate a revolution within myself to make amends. So I knocked, am knocking, and will knock myself to create a faux self-imposed victory to cover up a more realistic defeat.
Love..whatta word...At times I wish I could be so romantic, at times I wish I could say no, at times I philosophize that no one deserves the best but ME. After all, ain't I a higher one than them all?

Love is like an application letter that has already failed at the envelope stage and got crumpled by the employer even before the contents could be read.

None of you can really comprehend what's inside me.

And in the end,it's always not about YOU it's always about THEM.
Which is the way it should be........................till kingdom come.


But I never said I liked it.

You can never be too careful, you know. Your level of protection is as only as good as her alluring face and smile which you can't help but get addicted to. Ah, typical. Why can't we all stop being typical for once? Even me in my insanity am typical.

But I love you Irish...:) I'll still fight that suicidal fight, I'll still die that Perfect Death, I will still gather every remnant of fight in me and go to war, because that is who I am. And no one but me forces me to knock myself out for anyone.

Don't you hate feeling like a baby when you're hospitalized and both your parents are beside you in your hospital bed, making you revert back to the child you once were? The childhood that was too swift to not enjoy yet too dragging for comfort. And amidst a moment of pain, you remember who you are, where you are and how old you are. That this shouldn't be, that YOU'RE the one supposed to take care of them now. That in about two decades they will return to the dust from which they came from, finishing their allotted earthly existence. This thought then jolts you, and you struggle up but you are restrained by your doctor who says it's bad. Sudden head movements can make you suffer another seizure....Ah, the fragility of human life.

Speaking of seizures, it seems like I gotta stop right now....Too much bright lights from the computer still ain't good for me. Also, this frequent typing is already over exertion.

I hate to say goodbye,but I gotta....


May all of you live forever.

I meant that as a curse.

No comments: